Can You Cut It?

Mardi Gras Test.
If you score below a C, you should get down here. If you score a 100, you should leave town.

1. How cold was it last night?
a. It was warm. Duh. It’s Mardi Gras.
b. So cold you need Kate to make you a hot toddy.
c. Lukewarm. This isn’t an option. I just wanted to write Luke.
d. 67.

2. Who did Meg see last night?
a. Everyone who was ever born.
b. Kevin Costner
c. Her cute lil seniors dancing and tuba-ing their hearts out in the see-your-breath cold
d. Kate, Ashley, Patrick, pirates, Sean, creeps, Zach, Lauren, and Drew

3. Who makes the best burgers ever?
a. Patrick
b. McDonald’s
c. Bojangles
d. Port of Call

4. How did last night begin?
a. With Meg and Kate dressing Quincy in mardigarb.
b. With a murder in the dining room with the candlestick
c. In the Jewel Corner Store where we purchased skittles and whiskey alongside a family of twelve buying hot Cheetos, coconut longboys, and pork rinds.
d. It ended when it began. (I don’t know what that means).

5. How did last night end?
a. With Meg, in a cab, alone, with a driver who was singing soul much louder and higher and soully-er than the singer on the radio
b. With a bunch of hoodlums trying to enter the cab with an open bottle of Jaeger, making tourist fools of themselves
c. With trash strewn everywhere and flying around like that horrible scene in American Beauty when he videotapes a piece of trash and calls it beautiful, with numb hands, with Zach’s eyeball casualty from aggressively launched beads, with Patrick getting mad at Kate and me while snuggling in his bed to warm up because some random guy had come in, started spooning Kate, and declared himself to be named “Collin James McLellan.”
d. all of the above

Answers: 1. b 2. c (Kev doesn’t come til today. Missed you, Ash.) 3. a 4. c 5. d

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