the Nixionary

I got scared at the bank today.
Annie, my freckled member representative, said:
“How much do you have in that account?” and “Are you working right now?” and “Are you planning on working?” and something about investments and an IRA and a low-credit schmurmur schmammer.
Then I couldn’t remember what 9 times 9 was.
81? Something times [...]

Rain in Denver. Rain on my gray hood making it grayer, rain going into my headphone porthole while I hustle towards sliding doors. Rain pouring out the gutter as I pump my legs on the elliptical at the gym since outside is on liquid shut down.
While I was working out, I was watching [...]

I drove down from the mountains this morning with Steve’s Red-blooded (pneumonia-plagued) Coonhound spewing drool all over the backseat of my car.
When we stopped at a drive-thru Starbucks, the sign on the window said,
Due to sanitary restrictions absolutely no dog treats will be handed to customers, effective immediately.
The coffee lady leaned out the window with [...]

I told my friend a secret. He said:
“Don’t count your eggs before they hatch.”
But I’ve always counted all my eggs before they’ve hatched or not hatched. The day my chickens started laying them was the day I started counting. I never had a rooster, so none of those eggs ever hatched. I [...]

The only thing I used to be afraid of when I was little was the wind. Ask my mom. She asked me, “What are you afraid of?” and I said, “Nothing except the wind.” And this was when it was howling, like it can in Denver, before the sky turns green and you [...]